I keep hearing lesbians say they believe safe from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) considering they are dating another lesbian. I assumed I became safe until I found out which isn\’t. I bought herpes (HSV2) from another lesbian. I have been her first female lover.
I\’m during my 50s now and also have been out for an extended time. As i came out for a lesbian, I underwent hell with my loved ones, friends additionally, the world outside. It remains a fight now to be free. Having herpes can be another battle. I just now won\’t have a home in shame anymore.
I Knew Something Was Wrong
We had been together for a little bit as soon as i noticed some bumps on her butt. After i asked her about the subject, she lied and claimed it was because she was to be with her period. I believe I heard the voice of God tell me that something was wrong, even so do not concern yourself with it.
We were being together for a couple of years before I finally determined the facts. I discovered the therapy lamp of Valtrex (a herpes medication) inside the trash. Favorite her regarding it over the telephone because I was frightened of things i was going to do in order to her once we spoke nose to nose.
Eventually, I started getting breakouts. As soon as i got my herpes diagnosis, she went with me towards doctor. I have been so upset i always felt like I have been likely to kill her. Luckily, her son was with us when we finally got the final results and that kept me from doing something I would personally regret.
We appeared staying together for eight years. All the same, she repeatedly cheated on me to women. She didn\’t use protection or tell the additional women of her diagnosis. I tried to avoid her by letting them know, nonetheless it didn\’t change her behavior.
I Feel Dirty and Ashamed
Photo due to Rose Jackson.
Why did I stay? There\’s no doubt that I have been suicidal somewhat. I felt like my well being didn\’t matter now ever since i had this complaint. Plus, I figured the two of us already had herpes it had not been like there seemed to be a risk of me re-contracting the infection. I heard something else entirely from different doctors. The thing they agreed on is the fact that it\’s incurable for herpes.
Even though herpes is not AIDS or HIV, I still sometimes feel dirty and ashamed. While i get breakouts, it\’s pretty much everywhere, including my genitals. It\’s physically painful. Additionally, it emotionally hurts to get rejected by other women as i inform them, even so realize why they just do not would like to date me.
Today the lady who provided the illness is married. She didn\’t let her know wife until if they marry i threatened her. I do think she understands the damages she gets caused.
It took a long time however do forgive her. I\’m just having a hard time forgiving myself for not believing what God and myself shown to me. I decided on to know her excuses.
I Do not think in Waiting
Rose spends time through the water. Photo from Rose Jackson.
I have only been with an added person since her. We met in 2013. I told that woman straight your gate.
When I tell most of the people, I understand I\’ll never hear from them again. I don\’t believe in waiting 3 months to know somebody. Why waste time or theirs?
I think it is strange this woman was okay with me at night having herpes. If we met inside the next day, Gurus her why she was okay. That\’s when she confessed that they had herpes too.
Even whenever i told her first, she was still being scared to share with me. That\’s how much shame exists with this disease. I was together with her for a couple of a number of we\’ve been friends today. Dating another individual with herpes doesn\’t solve the problem–at the very least not to me. I\’m extremely sensitive and in case I am with someone with herpes, it triggers a breakout.
Stop the Lies
Rose looks toward the long run knowing she deserves love. Photo thanks to Rose Jackson.
There is a lot of misinformation about sexually transmitted infections going around in the black lesbian community. The world thinks safe because we wrongly imagine that only men that sleep with both males and females who sleep with down low men may get std\’s.
There particularly a lot of people that happen to be afraid, cowards really, that don\’t want to find out. They just don\’t go get checkups and don\’t know their unique status. Were so afraid to be honest about this, although not me. I\’m going to will.
Having herpes has affected me on a mental, physical, emotional and spiritual level. I\’m so deeply hurt that this became of me.
Your Life Matters!
I be concerned about the next generation! We have to take a look at this. We will need to face it. I\’m sure there are many folks who want to provide the gay experience minus the responsibility of being safe. So ladies, obtain recent medical paperwork. Ask just when was the very last time they were tested. Ask to the look at the doctor and become tested together. Do not be afraid. Your daily life matters.
To find out about herpes, view the Centers for disease control here.
We interviewed Rose within the Black Lesbian Love Lab private Facebook group. Get access to other live interviews, e-books and various exclusives by joining our subscription. Look into the subscription at community.blacklesbianlovelab.com and we’ll provide you a free relationship communication e-book!